that not-sleeping thing

so, generally, i think the refusal to go to bed even when i'm tired thing has to do with postponing the start of the next day, but tonight i have a new theory. i think sometimes not going to bed is more about feeling like the issues of today have not sufficiently been addressed to let the day come to an end. there's an unsettledness that won't allow you (me) to sleep.

last night, i went to bed at a fine hour, but i had horrific nightmares all night. i've finally reached an age where i realize that dreaming that i live with all of my fellow copywriters, that i get electrocuted by the light switch and am incapable of making sound, then wake up in a cold sweat to find adrenaline coursing through my body as if i've actually been electrocuted, is simply a manifestation of anxiety. and when this kind of dream repeats itself over and over and over again, and each one stars my co-workers, in spite of my exhaustion the next morning, i still know it's simply anxiety.

so tonight, my aversion to sleep means an aversion to these anxiety dreams. i'd rather sort it out awake than wake up electrocuted.

but i'd also like to maybe be on time to work tomorrow... what's a girl to do?