Monday, November 14, 2005

Soul viewing moments.

Have you ever known someone who you didn't think much of - or didn't give much thought to - and then you saw that person in his/her element and everything changed? Or maybe even someone you thought quite a lot of, but never quite saw them in the light that you had this feeling they could live in, if only they chose to do so?

I once dated a guy whom I'll call A because his name did not start with A. A was a sweet guy. My only real problem with him was that he liked me so much more than I liked him. I wanted to like him more. I just didn't. One night, he invited me to see his band play. It was just before a holiday break and I didn't really want to go. I had a plane to catch the next morning, somewhat early. Yet I felt obligated and, so, I went, vowing to end things with A as soon after Christmas as possible.

And then I saw him play. He was in his element. His drumsticks flew over his drums and his face transformed into something I hadn't seen before. And it was beautiful. And I wanted every inch of A to belong to me.

We shared a cab to the airport the next morning.

It's a decent story: Girl doesn't like boy that much; girl sees boy in new light; girl falls head over heels for boy. Unfortunately, he didn't play the drums every night in my living room. He was just regular A, non-drum-playing A who still liked me more than I liked him and, thus, the relationship ended. Not prettily. But still. That moment. I won't forget that moment.

I watched Spanglish on Saturday, and there's a scene where Flor watches John cook, something his wife seemingly never does. He was in his element. He came alive, and Flor - though already attracted to him - truly saw him in that moment. Her attraction to him - really, her love for him - was cemented.

Being able to see that moment, to glimpse into a person's core, his/her soul - even for the most fleeting of moments - can instigate an inward shift. You see his brilliance. You realize that he is, in fact, capable of the greatness you thought all along. And you are hypnotically drawn in.


Blogger carrie said...

Funny you wrote this...that's the kind of moment I had with Chris this summer. Here was an A who most definitely liked me more than I liked him and for some reason, poof! I suddenly saw him in a completely different light and fell in love with him. And speaking of music...that was another thing altogether. His voice is just ordinary...but wow...when he picks up a guitar, strums and starts to's like butter. Smooth to my ears...not at all what I would expect to hear come from his mouth. To see someone in their element...doing what they love...doing what they are truly talented just makes them all the more special. I hope that he stays my A. ;-) And I know that an A will be in your life A you love just as much as he loves you. XX

10:19 PM  
Blogger pamela said...

Thanks... I hope you are right. I can't wait to see you.

11:16 PM  
Blogger egyptiansally said...

good stuff. those rare instances make a difference sometimes, but it's not fun to hang out with someone and constantly have to remind yourself that he's amazing in this other area but not always. and there's something sad about the truth of not liking someone as much as he likes you.

hope all is well with you.

1:19 PM  
Blogger pamela said...

and vice versa. i always think the perfect relationship is the one where you like each other exactly the same amount - neither one more or less than the other. i've never found it but that makes sense. once you do, that's it. no reason to settle for imbalance. someone's always chasing; someone's always running; everyone's tired & out of breath.

miss you, sal.

2:17 PM  
Blogger kym said...

girls, girls, girls,
it will never be even all the time. there are days when one holds things more together than the other. no one can be expected to feel the same way, equally, all the time. when you are feeling like you want to throw in the towel it should be your partner that brings you back from that cliff. and vice-versa. it's impossible to love equally because we all love differently. thats what makes love interesting. i think a "perfect" love is one that at the end of the day you never want to give up; no matter what. it all comes out in the wash.

3:29 PM  
Blogger pamela said...

hmm... good point. when did you get so wise? :) still, though it may never be even all the time, shouldn't there at least be a sense of balance? no?

i just wrote a long email to someone about the ways in which we express love. and i guess just as we all express love differently, we all experience it differently. so perhaps the balance comes in the imbalance - in the same way that one person can't be on a see-saw alone. it would never leave the ground.

6:08 PM  

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