Friday, August 19, 2005

You know. Whatever.

I am not one who cries. Out of all of my best friends, maybe two have ever seen me cry anything resembling much (Kym, Carrie?). I cried a lot at one of my grandmothers' funerals. I cried for days straight when Larkin died. But regular life stuff rarely makes me cry. Almost never, really.

Today I have cried four times.

My eyes hurt now.

It's ridiculous.

There are a lot of reasons for it, but none of them particularly good or compelling. It's been an unbelievably busy and stressful week at work, but it culminated in a successful meeting (out of town, in front of the boss--and by that I do not mean my boss, but my boss's boss). Plenty of little reasons, and I guess they are just all adding up.

Still.

I'm a f*cking disaster. I would write it out. I don't care. It's just letters, it's just a word. But I know at least one of you cares at least 85%. I don't know why I care that you care, but sometimes I still do. Who knows why.

The last time I cried was several months ago after I told the last person I dated I didn't think we could be friends. I cried two tears--one from each eye--and that was it. We're friends anyway. Well, I haven't seen him in forever. But we're still friends. Anyway.

I don't cry.

But today I do. And it sucks. And it's stupid.

I hate being like this.

When I sober up, maybe I'll come back and delete this. Or maybe I won't. I just don't care anymore.

What I do care about right now: Amy, Jen, Tressie, Stacy... you guys are awesome. I'm lucky to have you.

I'm going out.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's the story, morning glory? Why do you cry so....?

2:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone. Turned on some music to start my day

I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away...

When I'm tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
and dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away...

She slippin' away. She slippin' away...

(why?)

2:26 AM  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

There are things i could say, explanations or guesses, but they will all probably sound presumptious on my part, so i am going to keep my mouth shut.

Instead, I am sending you a hug from egypt.

*gives Pamela a huge bear hug*

And you are right,we do care!

Hope you feel better soon sweetie.

6:26 AM  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

Ohh and for the record, I officially don't like anonymous.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous ael said...

I love you! Have sweet dreams!

10:51 PM  

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