Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Who Needs Sleep?

Every once in a while, I get insomnia. Usually, these bouts occur when my stress level is higher than normal, and last a month, maybe two. My most recent encounter with lying awake began in February, immediately after the much-discussed break-in. I also stopped eating and lost about 14 pounds. I got my appetite back more quickly than I'd like. I got over thinking every sound I heard was someone in my house. I still check every window before I drive into the garage. And the insomnia stuck.

I'm pretty sure I haven't had a full night's sleep now in about five and half months. Most nights my insomnia manifests itself in the form of avoidance. I'll do anything to keep from getting in bed, no matter how tired I am. Sometimes this works - stay awake long enough and once I finally give in, I have no choice but to fall asleep. The problem is I generally fall asleep for all of about 30 minutes, then I wake up again and go fitful the rest of the night. Not always. Sometimes I get lucky and make it a full five hours. (I need about 9...) Sunday night, for example, I thought for sure I would fall asleep immediately. I'd had very little sleep all weekend, and not from insomnia - just from being out. But, alas, no. I couldn't fall asleep for about an hour and a half. Then, yeah, fitful. Then, yeah, time to get back up.

I told my doctor of my plight and he gave me something to help me sleep. I took it one night and I slept great. In fact, I didn't wake up the next morning until 8:16. Of course, both of my alarms had been going off for almost two hours unbeknownst to drugged-me. Oh, and I had a meeting at work at 8:30. And a twenty minute drive to get there. So I haven't taken it since. Plus, it's actually an antidepressant that failed as an antidepressant because it simply put people to sleep. I'm anti-antidepressants, and I don't want a failed one.

I could use the time to be productive. Clean my house. Work on my various post-due freelance projects. Read. Something.

I don't. So, I stay awake, wasting time and up my daily caffeine intake little by little.

I'm exhausted.


Blogger Tai said...

is this the same doctor that was calling you and making advances toward your person?

8:43 AM  
Blogger pamela said...

Yeah. I reconsidered and let him come over for Late Night with sleeping aids. :)

No, this is a real-live, reputable doctor. I still don't want to take the pills. I think I actually have some aversion to sleeping. I don't know why...

9:10 AM  
Blogger egyptiansally said...

i google when i can't sleep. i google the shit out of anything and everything-- former classmates, words i can't spell, horoscopes, places i want to visit, medical conditions i might have. and the list goes on.

ps: i'm still in the states. i'm in portland and will be back in florida in august. i'd never leave without calling you!

12:40 PM  
Blogger pamela said...

SB: I waste sooo much time on the computer avoiding sleep. I search for exes on MySpace (though I think I've found them all at this point, so that's out), I search for random people on MySpace, I lament the downfall of Friendster, I read people's blogs, I Google :), I look for songs to download, I read about things I don't understand (usually computer-related), I check my email a thousand times, I ignore the 77 emails already in my inbox, I consider writing people back, I don't, etc. etc. etc. Rinse and repeat. What would we do without the Internet? Besides, you know, waste a lot less time?

10:55 AM  

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