1 22 25 32 44, 13
“Pleasures await you by the seashore.”
I’ve gotten five fortunes today, one by way of Bazooka Joe, the other four compliments of fortune cookies at Pei Wei. The one above is my favorite for two reasons:
1) Even if pleasures await me by the seashore, I will never know because I’m nowhere near the seashore. This may seem like a negative, but look at it this way: I won’t for one second be thinking, My fortune forecasted pleasures awaiting me. Where are they? Where are those pleasures of which it spoke, dammit? I won’t ask this because I know where they are. Waiting for me by the seashore. No point wasting time looking for them here.
An aside: A student I once had, let’s call her Shannon (because that’s her name), spent an entire semester in my classroom taunting a fellow student and being generally surly. I wasn’t a huge Shannon-fan due to these two facts. She wasn’t a huge me-fan due to the fact that I was her teacher and the giver of many Cs. To be fair to me, a lot of her work was barely C-quality and I was really being quite generous.
This isn’t actually the point of this aside.
Shannon later began working at the campus restaurant/bar – Wackadoo's (yes, that’s right) – and suddenly loved me. “Hi, Ms. Parker!” “Want a diet Coke, Ms. Parker? With a little bit of regular Coke? No, there’s no charge!” Etc. Well, one day as I was waiting for my diet Coke w/a little bit of regular Coke @ Wackadoo's, Shannon was clearly engaged in a spat with one of her fellow Wackadoo's employees, this hulking fellow who was probably an FAU football player. What I heard of the exchange went like this:
Fellow employee: Look at it this way…
Shannon: Go fuck yourself. Look at it that way. (turning away) Hi, Ms. Parker!
Anyway. I can't help but think of that whenever I say/hear, "Look at it this way..." Back to the winning fortune…
2) It’s so very definitive. It doesn’t, for example, say something as simple as, “Good things are coming your way,” in which case I would a) be waiting for such good things in my own neighborhood, maybe even in my own house, and b) be forced to question any remotely positive thing that occurred as to whether or not it was the “good things” of which my fortune spoke. None such vagueness in mine.
And so it’s my favorite fortune of the day.
The ones that didn’t make the cut:
- Bazooka Joe: “Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind.”
Though good, I’m rarely afraid to say what’s on my mind. One step ahead of you, Joe.
- Pei Wei #2: “You like to know that your presence is felt and appreciated.”
Um, yeah.
- Pei Wei #3: “You will inherit a large sum of money.”
Well, maybe, but only if someone dies, and I don’t want that.
- Pei Wei #4: “You have the ability to overcome obstacles on the way to success.”
Hmm. Not so much.
And so "Pleasures await you by the seashore" is a clear winner.
Actually I don’t believe in fortunes. I just like the cookies. The gum, on the other hand, lost its taste after about 56 seconds.
But if I did believe, I'd know where to go.
I’ve gotten five fortunes today, one by way of Bazooka Joe, the other four compliments of fortune cookies at Pei Wei. The one above is my favorite for two reasons:
1) Even if pleasures await me by the seashore, I will never know because I’m nowhere near the seashore. This may seem like a negative, but look at it this way: I won’t for one second be thinking, My fortune forecasted pleasures awaiting me. Where are they? Where are those pleasures of which it spoke, dammit? I won’t ask this because I know where they are. Waiting for me by the seashore. No point wasting time looking for them here.
An aside: A student I once had, let’s call her Shannon (because that’s her name), spent an entire semester in my classroom taunting a fellow student and being generally surly. I wasn’t a huge Shannon-fan due to these two facts. She wasn’t a huge me-fan due to the fact that I was her teacher and the giver of many Cs. To be fair to me, a lot of her work was barely C-quality and I was really being quite generous.
This isn’t actually the point of this aside.
Shannon later began working at the campus restaurant/bar – Wackadoo's (yes, that’s right) – and suddenly loved me. “Hi, Ms. Parker!” “Want a diet Coke, Ms. Parker? With a little bit of regular Coke? No, there’s no charge!” Etc. Well, one day as I was waiting for my diet Coke w/a little bit of regular Coke @ Wackadoo's, Shannon was clearly engaged in a spat with one of her fellow Wackadoo's employees, this hulking fellow who was probably an FAU football player. What I heard of the exchange went like this:
Fellow employee: Look at it this way…
Shannon: Go fuck yourself. Look at it that way. (turning away) Hi, Ms. Parker!
Anyway. I can't help but think of that whenever I say/hear, "Look at it this way..." Back to the winning fortune…
2) It’s so very definitive. It doesn’t, for example, say something as simple as, “Good things are coming your way,” in which case I would a) be waiting for such good things in my own neighborhood, maybe even in my own house, and b) be forced to question any remotely positive thing that occurred as to whether or not it was the “good things” of which my fortune spoke. None such vagueness in mine.
And so it’s my favorite fortune of the day.
The ones that didn’t make the cut:
- Bazooka Joe: “Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind.”
Though good, I’m rarely afraid to say what’s on my mind. One step ahead of you, Joe.
- Pei Wei #2: “You like to know that your presence is felt and appreciated.”
Um, yeah.
- Pei Wei #3: “You will inherit a large sum of money.”
Well, maybe, but only if someone dies, and I don’t want that.
- Pei Wei #4: “You have the ability to overcome obstacles on the way to success.”
Hmm. Not so much.
And so "Pleasures await you by the seashore" is a clear winner.
Actually I don’t believe in fortunes. I just like the cookies. The gum, on the other hand, lost its taste after about 56 seconds.
But if I did believe, I'd know where to go.
posted by pamela at 6:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home