Speaking of unethical

So I'm sitting on my porch, enjoying the lovely night weather, talking with Anthony, when the other line on my cell phone rings. I click over and it's the Doc-in-the-Box. Odd, I think. 10:30 pm. This isn't dr.'s hours. I assume it will be a short conversation as the nurse has already told me my blood work came back okay.

I can tell it's not going to be a short conversation.

It takes a while before I can find a break to ask him to hold on.

When I click back over, he resumes asking me about my continued, unexplained leg pain.

Doc-in-the-Box: Do you get back pain?
Me: Sometimes.
Doc-in-the-Box: Me too. Is the leg pain usually at night?
Me: It's happened every night, but it's also happening during the day. Yesterday I was swimming with my niece and my entire right leg siezed up for a good half an hour.

Etc.

We retread the ground that the nurse & I have already tread: my potassium's fine; my calcium's fine; the swelling's gone down thanks to those magic pills he gave me (5 1/2 pounds lost in 2 days? Seriously? Miracle.); no, the skin is neither red nor hot and, therefore, I must not have blood clots.

Now we move on.

Doc-in-the-Box: What are the major stressors in your life?

I list a few. I'll spare you. If you know me, you know that the major stress in my life is everything. I'm just wired that way. Suffice to say that the break-in made the top 3. We talk about my sleep patterns briefly.

Doc-in-the-Box: Uh-huh. And where did you move from?
Me: Florida.
Doc-in-the-Box: Are you homesick for Florida?
Me: No. I hate Florida.

Then I get a little dissertation about how I must not have felt at home for some time.

Doc-in-the-Box: Have you found a church home yet?
Me [thinking: This is an odd thing to ask]: No.
Doc-in-the-Box: I find I never really feel at home until I find a good church home. If you'd ever like to visit ---, I'd be happy to host you.

An aside: Is it just me, or should this conversation not take place between a doctor and his patient, especially when the patient didn't initiate it? Would this conversation ever occur outside of the state of Texas?

Moving on: In-between the church home conversation and what follows, I find out that he just bought a Mac and really likes it, he likes to write songs, and he made his parents a movie for their wedding anniversary.

This is all fascinating stuff. The pain in my legs?

Oh, that. He says he'd like to prescribe muscle relaxers and that, in fact, he takes one himself. He'd really like me to try that one, but it's expensive, and he knows I don't have health insurance. He has samples of a different one, but it's strong and he'd "hate for [me] to feel like a zombie." I'm like, okay, let's do the free samples. I'll add a shot to my morning Starbucks.

Doc-in-the-Box has a better idea.

Doc-in-the-Box: What time do you usually go to bed?
[Hmm...]
Me: Um, pretty late, but I'm working on going to bed earlier.
Doc-in-the-Box: You a night owl? Me, too. My mother says when I get married I'll go to bed earlier.
Me: I guess that depends upon whom you marry.
Doc-in-the-Box: I think we'll probably be like, let's just enjoy each other and go to bed early.

Too much information, Doctor.

Doc-in-the-Box: Here's what I'm thinking -- it will take me about ten minutes to get home from here to pick up whatever-the-mild-muscle-relaxers-are-called and I could be at your place around 11:15 to drop them off.

...What???

Me [recovering]: Actually, I'm probably going to go to bed sooner than that. Perhaps I can pick them up from your office in the morning.
Doc-in-the-Box: Well, it wouldn't really look appropriate for me to leave a few pills without a prescription.

But it would, of course, look appropriate for you to personally drive them to my house at 11 o'clock at night.

We finally settle on his calling in 3 pills for me to try, though he's very worried I won't sleep well tonight without the muscle relaxers.

I thank the good doctor for his concern, and assure him I will.